Let Me Take You to the Nurse's
by pamwhodeathforgot
Summary: Inspired by a tumblr prompt: 'I just accidentally flung a basketball at your face because my aim is terrible and holy shit you're bleeding let me take you to the medical room' (Featuring Cullen/Inquisitor, modern AU)


It wasn't unnatural that Marian was voted team captain for their basketball team. The team she chose also wasn't unnatural.

Any and all Physical Education teachers should know that things like this would happen. With Marian voted captain of Team A for that period, she would most definitely choose her friends. And indeed she did; her and the other captains had to choose their teams, and she immediately picked out her friends. That days activity was half court basketball, three on three, so she chose Fenris and Shaene.

When the two sat down behind Marian, she blurted out their team name: "We're the Hawke's Nest."

"That doesn't make sense," Fenris complained. "Besides, isn't it enough to have that on a sign taped to your bedroom door?"

Shaene raised her eyebrows. "When have you seen her bedroom door?" The other elf only rolled his eyes in response. She could have sworn there was a tiny bit of pink on his cheeks.

When the teacher (coach? Shaene had never really been sure what to call him) came around, Marian told him that their team name was Fruits Basket. Once all the team names were written down, they were put into pairs and directed to their part of the court.

"Back baskets, Teams Fruits Basket and Chargers. Front baskets, Purple Pandas and Nobody's. The rest of you ail be on the other side of the gym, so follow me." As Mr. Kells lead the four remaining teams to the other half of the gym, concealed by bleachers, Team Fruits Basket out a collective groan.

"We're dead," Shane hissed. "He put us against Bull! Against _Bull_!"

Marian's face acquired a bitter expression. "And so the alliance is broken. This means war."

For once, instead of having some comment that Marian would deem 'smartass', Fenris said, "Look at us. Now look at them. Look back at us. How is this fair?" _He has a point_ , Shaene noted. The other team composed of the Iron Bull, Cullen, and Alistair, all of whom were significantly larger than Fenris and Shaene. Marian's height rivaled that of Allistair and Cullen, but she wasn't nearly as broad. As for Bull… Nobody can really compare.

"I declare war, Rutherford!" Marian shouted, though in Shaene's opinion there was no need to shout, because she was standing right next to her target, who had the ball. "And you, Theirin! I'm your girlfriend's best friend! I thought what we had was real!" If not for Cullen passing the ball back to Bull, she would have kept shouting obscenities.

Bull made the first basket, and once the ball was brought back into play, Alistair knocked it out of bounds. Fenris and Marian had Shaene preform the throw-in, and she couldn't argue. Fenris kept shaking his head when she held the ball out to him, and Marian was already the main force of the team.

She took her place carefully at the line where the ball had bounced out and raised the ball over her head.

Of course, since this is where something would go wrong in some stereotypical High-School-Musical-type movie, this is where something went wrong for Shaene.

When she threw the ball, it did not go over Cullen and to Fenris like she planned, like it played out perfectly in her head; instead, she undershot and it slammed directly into Cullen's face, knocking him back.

"Oh shit…" was all she could say until she regained her senses and rushed over to him. "Oh shit, oh shit, I'm so sorry, oh jeez…"

He sat up, covering his nose with his left hand and propping himself up with his right. There was, unless she was mistaken, a spot of blood on the floor. "I'm fine," he said, though his voice was both strained and muffled. "I'm fine."

To prevent her from reaching her hands out to drag his away from his face, Shaene clasped them together. "No, you're not, oh gods, are you bleeding?"

Without her assistance, he pulled his hands away, took one glance at the blood on his hands, and palled significantly. "I should… probably go to the health room." Cullen pushed himself unsteadily up and returned to clutching his nose once he stood.

Shaene's hands flitted at his shoulders, wanting to touch him but not wanting to offend him somehow. "At least let me take you to the nurse's office. It's the least I can do after hitting you in the face with a basketball."

"I'll tell Kells," Bull offered, already heading towards the other side of the gym.

"Do you need someone else to come with you?" Merrill, who had been playing on the other court, asked nervously. She couldn't take her eyes off Cullen's bloody hands.

He waved her away. "We're fine," he said, and picked up the pace. Shaene lopped along beside him, half-walking and half-running.

They exited the gym and walked as fast as they dare through the school to the nurse's office, which thankfully wasn't that far away. Upon entering, their received a surprise.

Isabela and Anders were there, both sitting on the bed, and Isabela was positively _cackling_ with laughter.

Momentarily forgetting about his nose in confusion and curiosity, Cullen said slowly, "Do I dare ask what in the world is going on here?"

It took a bit for Isabela to stop laughing. In the meantime, Anders just continued to sit there, looking vaguely green and disgruntled.

"I poured relish into his-" she broke off and began to laugh again. "I poured relish into his smoothie, and he didn't realize, so he drank most of it," Isabela finally managed.

Shaene physically recoiled. "Izzy that's _disgusting_! Why would you do that?"

"That's what Anders tried to ask, but… _pfft_ … instead of words…" she wheezed. "Instead of word he…" Isabela let out a loud shout of laughter and rocked back onto the bed, holding her stomach.

Cullen's eyes widened considerably. "Are you trying to tell us that, a) you poured _relish_ into Anders' food, and b) it caused him to throw up all over the cafeteria?"

The only one present who hadn't spoken yet, Anders' face drained of what little color their was left and clapped his hands over his mouth. His eyes widened, similar to how Cullen's had.

"I'm fairly convinced that you are indeed a horrible person, Izzy," Shaene crossed her arms.

"Oh, I know I am," Isabela grinned in response, sitting up. She patted the top of Anders' head a few times, and his response was an muffled groan.

Unfortunately, nobody took that as the warning Anders had meant it to be, because half a second later, he began to violently throw up… right on Cullen's shoes.

Isabela let out a shriek and leapt to the chair on the other side of the room; Cullen lurched sideways and grabbed Shaene's shoulder, effectively staining her gym shirt with blood; and Shaene flinched so dramatically that knocked over a vase on the nurse's desk. It shattered upon hitting to the floor, adding to the explosion of noise.

Needless to say, it was a sight to see when the nurse and her assistant walked in.


End file.
